I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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