I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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