I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
