I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
