In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
