Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Randomize