We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Randomize
