Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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