That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Michael Bay diarrhea
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
