we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
