MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
