shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
