yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
