Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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