I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I am mentally ready for anal.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
