She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
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