I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
