Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
the room spins SO much faster in panama
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
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