2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
