DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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