He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
