I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
