dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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