I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Randomize
