you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Randomize
