I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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