She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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