we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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