apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
