I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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