i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Four minutes until I can fart!
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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