GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
