Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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