is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize