I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Randomize