I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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