I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Randomize
