Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Randomize
