wat bout pragnant strippers??
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
