I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
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