We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize