A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I want a musical about memes.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
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