you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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