hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
