My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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