remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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