You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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