Duck Duck Cougar?
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
