my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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