Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
