My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Randomize