my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Randomize
