Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Last time i carry you out of a forest
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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