Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
You ruined the universe
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
