Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
it's like heaven, but drunker
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
