I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
