sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
