I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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