He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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