i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
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