stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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