stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
