Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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