Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
My balls are so social today.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
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