There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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