Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
