I used to practice getting hit by cars.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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