so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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