At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
