And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
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