If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize