Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
This girl is more easily done than said...
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I intend to get homeless drunk
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
