just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Terrible idea I love it
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
