Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
